Between swiping on apps, texting back and forth, and finally agreeing to meet up, the whole process can leave you feeling drained before you even leave the house.
On my blog, I spend a lot of time covering minimalist living. Over the years, I’ve realized that minimalism isn’t just about having a clean closet—it’s about having a clear mind and keeping things simple. I bring this exact same simple, stress-free mindset into my dating life. You do not need an overly complicated plan, a brand-new expensive outfit, or a list of rules to have a good time.
If you want to know how to behave on first date setups so you can actually enjoy yourself, here is a breakdown of 12 things you should do (and exactly what not to do on first date outings).
1. Wear an Outfit That Feels Like “You”
One of the biggest mistakes I used to make was dressing for the person I thought my date wanted, instead of dressing for myself. I once wore a pair of brand-new, pinched-toe heels to a coffee date that ended up turning into a long walk. By the end of it, my feet were bleeding, and I was in such a bad mood that I ruined the vibe completely.
What to do: Pick an outfit you have worn before and feel great in. If you are a jeans and t-shirt girl, wear your favorite jeans and a nice top. If you love dresses, wear a casual dress. Comfort equals confidence.
What to avoid: Do not wear something that requires you to constantly pull, tug, or adjust it.
2. Meet in a Public, Low-Pressure Spot
First dates don’t need to be romantic dinners. Honestly, dinner dates are too much pressure. You are stuck sitting across from a stranger for two hours, and if the conversation dies, you just have to sit there chewing your food in silence.
What to do: Choose a low-stakes environment. Coffee shops, farmers markets, or an afternoon walk in a popular park are perfect. These settings give you an “external focus.” If the chat slows down, you can point out a cute dog or talk about a weird painting on the cafe wall.
What to avoid: Avoid movie theaters. You cannot talk during a movie, which defeats the entire purpose of getting to know someone.
3. Set Up a Solid Safety Plan
This is one of the most important dating tips for women. No matter how nice someone seems over text, they are still a stranger when you meet them for the first time. Your safety always comes first.
What to do: Always text a friend your date’s name, their phone number, and where you are going. I personally share my live location with my best friend before I even leave my driveway. Also, drive yourself to the date or take an Uber.
What to avoid: Never let someone pick you up at your house on a first date.
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4. Put Your Phone Away
Checking your phone mid-conversation instantly kills the connection. It is incredibly rude, yet so many people do it because looking at a screen feels like a safe safety blanket when we get nervous.
What to do: Keep your phone in your purse on silent. If you have kids or are expecting an emergency call, just tell your date at the start: “Hey, I’m keeping my phone on the table because the babysitter might call, but otherwise, I’m totally off the clock.”
What to avoid: Do not leave your phone face-up on the table where every text notification will distract you both.
5. Ask Open-Ended, Genuine Questions
A date is not a job interview. Firing off questions like “Where do you see yourself in five years?” will make the other person feel like they are being interrogated.
What to do: Ask questions that require more than a yes or no answer. Try first date conversation starters like, “What is the best thing that happened to you this week?” or “If you could travel anywhere tomorrow, where would you go?”
What to avoid: Do not spend the whole time waiting for your turn to speak. Actually listen to their answers.
6. Drop the Massive Checklist
Many of us go into dates with a mental checklist of what the “perfect” partner looks like. We want them to be a certain height, make a certain amount of money, and have specific hobbies. If you are wondering how to look less demanding on first date meetups, the secret is simply dropping the rigid checklist.
What to do: Keep an open mind. In my minimalist journey, I learned to let go of physical clutter. In dating, you need to let go of mental clutter. Give the person sitting in front of you a fair chance to show you who they are.
What to avoid: Do not cross-examine them about their career timeline or financial goals within the first thirty minutes.
7. Keep the “Ex” Talk to a Minimum
This is a massive rule for what not to do on first date encounters. Talking about your ex, whether you are praising them or complaining about them, is the fastest way to kill the mood.
What to do: Keep the conversation focused on the present and the future. Talk about your hobbies, your passions, and fun stories from your life.
What to avoid: If they ask why your last relationship ended, give a short, polite answer like, “We just wanted different things in life,” and then quickly change the subject to something positive.
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8. Offer to Split the Bill
Money can make things awkward, but it doesn’t have to. While many men still prefer to pay for the first date, offering to split the bill shows that you are polite, independent, and not just there for a free meal.
What to do: When the check comes, reach for your purse and casually say, “Can I split this with you?” If he insists on paying, say thank you with a genuine smile.
What to avoid: Do not assume the other person is paying. Always bring enough money to cover your half, just in case.
9. Embrace the Awkward Pauses
Silence on a first date feels terrifying. We panic and try to fill the dead air with random rambling. But a little bit of silence is actually completely normal.
What to do: When a pause happens, just take a sip of your drink and smile. Let the silence sit for a second. Often, the other person will jump in with a new topic. Being comfortable with a little quiet shows a lot of confidence.
What to avoid: Do not panic and start oversharing personal trauma just to keep the words flowing.
10. Pay Attention to Body Language
Your body speaks loudly before you even say a word. If your arms are tightly crossed across your chest and you are leaning far back in your chair, your date is going to feel like you hate them, even if you are just feeling a little shy.
What to do: Keep your posture open. Lean in slightly when they are talking to show you are interested. Make good eye contact, but don’t stare them down intensely. A warm, natural smile goes a very long way.
What to avoid: Try not to fidget too much with your hair or jewelry, as it makes you look overly anxious.
11. Be Honest About Who You Are
When I first entered the dating pool, I tried to pretend I was super outdoorsy because the guy I liked was a hiker. I ended up miserable on a five-mile trail. Today, I am totally honest: I prefer reading a book on my couch with a cup of tea.
What to do: Be unapologetically yourself. If you don’t like sports, don’t pretend you do. If you have a quirky sense of humor, let it show. The right person will like you for exactly who you are.
What to avoid: Do not mold your personality to fit their interests. It is exhausting to keep up an act, and the truth always comes out eventually anyway.
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12. Be Clear About the Next Steps
At the end of the date, things can get weird. People do the awkward shuffle, mumble “we should do this again sometime,” and then leave without any real plan. This just leads to days of staring at your phone wondering if they will text you.
What to do: Be direct. If you had a great time and want to see them again, say so! “I had a really great time today. I’d love to see you again soon.” If you did not feel a spark, you can still be kind but firm: “It was so great meeting you, but I just don’t feel a romantic connection. I wish you the best!”
What to avoid: Do not say “let’s hang out again” if you actually have zero intention of ever seeing them again. Ghosting is cruel; just be honest from the start.
Dating does not have to be a nightmare. By keeping your approach minimal, prioritizing your comfort, and focusing on just getting to know another human being, you take the pressure off. Remember, a first date is just two people having a conversation to see if they want to have a second conversation. That is it. Have fun out there!
